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emmafair
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Interests: Shiny things, buying spf 30 and feeling that I'm protected even when it's just sitting on my shelf, places, people, things... and the whole world.
Expertise: Sewing things without patterns, painting bad paintings, and catching the sky in my eyes.
Being as completely ridiculous as possible. Confusing myself, and punishing myself for things that don't exist. Breathing without air.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/28/2004
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| in my last entry, two months ago, i relished the idea of a clone that could understand me and tell me what they thought of my actions. now, looking back, although it was not that long ago really, i feel as if i don't know the person who wrote that. only i can rightfully judge the decisions that i make and cannot explain my actions in full to anyone. it is impossible for me to make anyone but myself understand the reasons, intentions, and expectations of my actions and who cares if no one or certain someones do not agree? i can't care anymore that some may feel i behave foolishly, rashly. in my least dramatic way, i must escape the situations that i have been so embarrassed as to place myself in. no more! no more can i sit apart from myself and take no notice of my feelings being hurt, my heart breaking. i cannot be a good friend and therefore need none. i'm a wretched person and will sit silently happy in my misery.
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| sometimes i wish i had a twin, or a clone of me, that lived my life or at least lived alongside me, who could talk to me without holding back. honestly, tell me what they thought of me. tell me where i'm making mistakes... tell me how to fix it. help me along the way. someone who could know my true feelings and would never have a reason to hold them against me. someone who could council without judgement. i guess that's what psychologists are for, right? ha. what does that mean.
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| we have nothing more to say to one another. don't talk to me.
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| accidentally got a job today. a professor emailed me and offered me a great job. crazy... i thought i had avoided the job thing this summer, only to be sucked into it somehow. funny how things like that happen.
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| -3.4 today.
if you cut yourself into tiny little peices, would you keep every single one of them?
i have nothing else to say.
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